21 Sep

I said to myself, “Come on, let’s try pleasure. Let’s look for the ‘good things’ in life.” But I found that this, too, was meaningless. So I said, “Laughter is silly. What good does it do to seek pleasure?” After much thought, I decided to cheer myself with wine. And while still seeking wisdom, I clutched at foolishness. In this way, I tried to experience the only happiness most people find during their brief life in this world. Ecclesiastes 2:1-3

I did just this for years. I chased after pleasure in an attempt to find something that I was missing: happiness and peace.  Yet I never could really figure out how to get there. Everything I did led me further and further away from what I was looking for.  From the outside, it probably seemed to some like I didn’t care about anything.  Like a girl gone mad, with no self-respect.  And it is true that I had no self-respect. But I did care. With every bad decision came more emotions that were awful and more of an excuse to run away from what I was feeling.  It’s a vicious cycle.  As the quote says above, “I clutched at foolishness” because I wanted to be happy.

It took a long time and a lot of bad decisions to finally figure out what it was I was looking for.  I found him in 2006 and I haven’t looked back since.  I found Jesus.  Why did I need him so bad? Because I couldn’t live with myself, with my past, with my bad decisions that haunted me.  He offered me what I was looking for: forgiveness and a new life.  It really is amazing how he changes you from the inside out.  The memories that haunted me no longer do; the feeling of emptiness is gone.  He healed my heart and gave me a new life.  For me a new life and a past wiped clean is something that I felt like I didn’t deserve.  I hurt myself and I hurt other people; why would I deserve this gift?  It’s simple, I don’t.  It’s a gift that can’t be earned. It is a gift given out of love. Good acts won’t give it to you. It is given by making one choice.  Choosing to have faith. To believe in God’s son.

I believe.


4 Responses to “Pleasure”

  1. Carol Ann Hoel September 21, 2010 at 12:01 pm #

    Beautiful post. We owed a debt we could not pay; he paid a debt he did not owe. Out of love. Jesus is Lord!

  2. Manny September 21, 2010 at 2:02 pm #

    You can describe in words the true amazing things that God does to our lives.
    Congratulations for this beautiful gift that God gave you.
    I love God and you so much!

    • lovemeanyway September 21, 2010 at 3:19 pm #

      Thank you! I love God and you so much too!

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